Ice Cream Wallowing

How do I reconcile the seemingly contradictory things I said in these two posts?:

Food - 2021/02/22 05:42 (metric, UTC-5)

Purpose Pt. 2 - 2021/03/01 05:36 (metric, UTC-5)

In the first post I made the case that it is best to just follow your feelings, consume what you want, and enjoy. 

In the second, I argued using points from Henri Nouwen's The Wounded Healer that living a life focused on sensation and instant gratification is not good. 

This is a internal debate I've had so often with myself and the people I'm close to can attest to this based on my behaviours and the strong opinions I've often shared with them (at some points eating an entire pizzas or cantaloupes in one sitting, at other points vowing to give up sugar and second portions of meals completely).

I tend to have an "all-or-nothing" mindset: either I think something is bad and should be restricted completely or is good with no ways it can go wrong so it can be treated joyfully without care and thought. I want to work towards finding the middle ground between these two posts in this one.

So how should I approach desires and cravings related to food, drugs, entertainment, sexuality, material goods, and even specific people and relationships? 

Should I look at these things as completely good or completely bad? 

Is it an either/or, a compromise, or a neither? 

Using a specific example I think is the best way to work through and write about this so I'll use an example that shouldn't be controversial or is not often politicized like drugs and sexuality are: ice cream.

A few weeks ago when I was ordering my groceries online I decided to add a 4L tub of No Name chocolate ice cream. My rationale for this was I was often buying milkshakes and chocolate bars at the convenience store nearby anyways so this would satisfy my sugar and chocolate cravings in a more cost-effective way in the long-term. I've been going through a lot of emotional stress recently and some periods of depression and despair but this chocolate ice-cream that I love so much helped me forget about the pain. 

The first evening I had it I thought I'd be smart and just put a few scoops into a bowl to make sure I don't overconsume the ice cream for health reasons and to make it last for financial reasons. By the end of the second evening though, the line of chocolate that you could see through the container was a third of the way down and I got off my bed to take the pale back to the freezer and wash the only tool I required, the spoon (no bowl). It was empty less than five days after I bought it.

The chocolate ice cream tasted so good, it made me feel good, I was paying attention to my body to make sure I knew when I was full and satisfied so why put limits on it, why not just enjoy the feeling of endlessness of cold, creamy, chocolate goodness? 

My parents would've made a fuss about it if they saw me doing this though. So the question still remains, is binge-eating chocolate ice cream or just eating ice cream at all, bad or good for me? 

I think the context I gave that I hadn't been in a good emotional state overall during the time I had this ice cream is the key here. The live-in-the-moment, enjoy-the-pleasures-of-life mindset is needed when you're going through times of heartbreak, depression, lack of direction, hopelessness, etc. such as after a death of a loved one, a job loss, a breakup, or a pandemic forcing the world to shut down. 

As this clip from Gilmore Girls demonstrates, "wallowing" is very important when you are going through emotional pain and without it, it's very hard to move on and get back to living your life in a productive, joyful, confident way:

So I believe we need to stop shaming and framing things as always unhealthy such as ice cream, other "junk" foods, alcohol, caffeine, marijuana, masturbation, buying expensive clothes, or other materialistic treats that people buy or use - things that bring people comfort and healing in down times.

(Note, 2021/04/02: I think this mother-daughter relationship between Lorelai and Rory is a textbook example of enmeshment as are many other relationships in Gilmore Girls and I don't like the manipulation tactics Lorelai uses in this scene but I think her points on "wallowing" are good.)

But there comes a point in time when we need to stop the wallowing process. Heavily consuming things may make pain go away temporarily and help you release your emotions but it won't help long-term. 

These are all just different forms of medications to dull pain when it's needed but just like actual pain-killers one gets from a pharmacy, it's not good if one becomes reliant on them. These things are not needed to live a healthy life when one is emotionally stable and they can contribute to feelings of meaninglessness, boredom, and apathy when we put all our hope and joy into consuming and dopamine rushes from these things rather than getting dopamine rushes from doing hard work that contributes to the betterment of our own lives, or the communities we live in.

So that's why as I mentioned in Purpose Pt. 2,  I don't think things like Amazon, big-box stores, fast-food, streaming services, pornography, hookup-culture, smartphones, social media are good for our society because their are inherently built to perpetually live in a state that should be saved exclusively for times we need to wallow (on the other hand though they make things cheaper for those who need to wallow so they aren't financially burdened in addition to whatever pain they're going through).

This being said, I think we all have different emotional pains and stresses on a daily basis so regularly building in times to your day or week to indulge in treats and sensory pleasures for most human beings is necessary and healthy. It's just the binging and the careless consuming that happens in a "wallowing" process that isn't healthy to stay in forever.

I'm still trying to figure all this out for myself. It's hard because there are people with such extreme opinions in both the consumerism and materialism is good side (i.e. corporations, business-owners, advertising, consumers with "YOLO" mindset) and on the other side that believe all material things and even our own bodies are inherently bad (i.e. most strands of Christianity and other religions). 

But I feel like through doing a lot of self-reflection, I'm coming to a good, balanced approach to all this myself.