Boolean

It's not often you're told you're going to get a letter before you receive it. But what if you had recently moved to a new address and the person at the old place let you know that you received a letter with your name and address handwritten on the front as well as a return address with no name? 

What if that return address is in a big city where a hopelessly long lost past love interest lives and this person is someone that you know knows your mailing address?

Does it make sense that you spend the 3 business days it takes for inter-provincial mail to arrive plus the weekend in the middle of it, thinking of every scenario in which this lost love interest might have been inspired to write you along with every scenario good or bad that could come from a mysterious letter like this? 

Does it make sense to believe that their mind or at least their heart might have changed despite the fact that they have told you no numerous times, showed no indication of interest or attraction during a period of time of where you were required to see them on a daily basis, and even have taken drastic action to prevent you from ever contacting them again? (Note: which shouldn't have had to be done, I admit I have made some mistakes in a number of relationships and haven't been good at managing my feelings and moving on as this post is an illustration of).

It makes so much sense, it feels so right, so true when you're sitting there on your bed, or walking, or working, or reading, or listening to music, or making lunch, or trying to fall asleep, during those days. But then you feel like an idiot when you finally get the letter with the handwritten name and address on the envelope and you open it with a light head and your heart pounding as you lay on your bed and it's from the president of a public transit agency you volunteered with that is personally addressed to you but was obviously copied and pasted from a master copy and sent out for political/public relations reasons. 

Facepalm. Heartsink. Dread but with relief at the same time.

It's ok though you're not an idiot, you're just a hopeless romantic, you've just had another case of hope that returned false instead of true.

Reassurance using boolean logic operations:

Let x = you

Let y = person of your dreams

​Let z = joyful, life-giving, mutually-satisfying, vulnerability validating relationship

Right now (x + y) ∧ z= 0 

Someday you will find a y to make (x + y) ∧ z= 1.

Maybe this is also false hope. Maybe (x + y) ∧ z= 0 will always be true. But x isn't going anywhere and this equation of hope doesn't have to be erased or reprogrammed. Maybe if you just keep trying different iterations of y, you'll find the 1 eventually.