I Am Not My Gender

I'm not an expert in linguistics or etymology by any means but I think it is ridiculous how unclear and un-unanimous we are on the definition of the word "gender" and if I'm going to write a blog about gender I need to come up with a clear, concise, consistent definition so people who are reading know what I'm talking to and referring to (and so I know myself). 

It may be that I will have rethink whether the title of my blog makes sense or not based on what definition I come to by the end of this post because I didn't think that through enough when I was coming up with the name I Am Not My Gender, it just felt like it worked and seemed like a phrase that would get people's attention (although feelings are sometimes just as valid as logic or more valid even).

Anyways, here are a few definitions of gender I've found online from two reputable dictionaries:

Oxford dictionary (https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/gender):

"Either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones. The term is also used more broadly to denote a range of identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female. "

Merriam-Webster dictionary (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gender):

"Either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures."

They both agree on the binary nature of gender but Merriam-Webster seems to suggest that gender is more about differences in biology whereas Oxford emphasizes social and cultural differences. They both also provide an alternate definition that is more in-line with each other:

Oxford:

"Grammar (in languages such as Latin, French, and German) each of the classes (typically masculine, feminine, common, neuter) of nouns and pronouns distinguished by the different inflections which they have and which they require in words syntactically associated with them. Grammatical gender is only very loosely associated with natural distinctions of sex."

Merriam-Webster:

"A subclass within a grammatical class (such as noun, pronoun, adjective, or verb) of a language that is partly arbitrary but also partly based on distinguishable characteristics (such as shape, social rank, manner of existence, or sex) and that determines agreement with and selection of other words or grammatical forms."

So these definitions are more about grammar (I hope you are still with me, I understand that all this defining and linguistic jargon can be boring for those who are more feeling/heart-inclined).

I could go on and on, exploring the seemingly infinite definitions of gender that are out there, exploring the etymology, the history and cultural significance of the word, but the point I wanted to make by copying and pasting these definitions of gender into my blog post is that there is no simple, agreed upon definition of gender. 

This has implications not only because it breaks up any potential monopoly in the dictionary industry but also because ultimately it has an effect on how we think about gender and live our own personal lives.

So really I could care less about all these different definitions, what matters to me is what I believe gender is. What should matter to you is what you believe gender is, although in my opinion I think my definition should make more sense for everyone (only my opinion). So for a minute just let go of everything you've ever attached to the word and consider this definition:

Gender is the communication of one's biological sex (i.e. the communication of whether one has a male biological sex meaning they have XY chromosomes, testes, and a penis, or a female biological sex meaning they have XX chromosomes, ovaries, and a vulva/vagina, or in rare cases a combination).

The way I understand it, gender is simply about communicating to another person, a group of people, or even oneself (verbally, but more often non-verbally) what biological sex one has. The problem is our society emphasizes/romanticizes/glorifies our biological sex (and therefore gender) and attaches certain roles and behaviours to biological sex in arbitrary (or at least unnecessary) ways.

I think coming up with a clear, concise solution or definition to anything can actually cause less clarity and more questions. I am not going to try to write anymore in this blog post to go into more detail on this but I hope future blog posts will help you understand a bit better what I am trying to say by all this but I don't believe anything I write, now or in the future will make anyone including myself satisfied with a clear, objective truth. 

Here are some questions that may help you articulate or work through your confusion, or they may make you more confused:

1. Would gender be a concept if the whole world were nudists (or to add a theological twist, did gender - by my definition - exist before "the fall of humanity", before Adam and Eve ate the apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil)? Does gender need be a concept in a world where we are not all nudists?

2. Does biological sex matter for anything other than mating purposes? Should we just try to ignore biological sex and gender completely?

​(iamnotmygenderblog.weebly.com):

• 2019/10/27: Introduction

• 2019/11/08: Defining & Redefining Gender

• 2019/11/13: Stereotypical Masculinity/Femininity, Explaining Bem/Open Sex-Role Inventory Test

• 2019/11/15: Explanation of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), Introduction To Its Connection With Sex And Gender (Binary Nature)

• 2019/11/22: MBTI & Sex

• 2019/11/29: MBTI & Sexual Orientation

• 2019/12/01: Survey Results & Analysis

• 2019/12/04: My Experiences, Biases & Assumptions: How My Life Story Has Influenced & Provides Evidence For My Findings

• 2019/12/08: Jesus, Gender, & Personality Type

Although many online articles and the books such as The Personality Brokers by Merve Emre claim that there also isn't much validity to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator because it is not scientifically objective or measurable, I would say MBTI cognitive functions are psychologically inherent meaning they are set in stone (likely after the toddler stage but that's purely my speculation) but can be developed and balanced out as a person matures. 

If you know the MBTI system well enough, referring to the "car model" from personalityhacker.com you could probably deduce my "Driver function" to be Introverted Intuition (Ni) based on the fact that I'm writing a blog like this, and Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as my "Co-pilot" based on the topic and how I communicate. 

In general, I think Ni makes sense as my Driver function as I have a firmly-developed belief system/faith, I tend to get into one-track, all-or-nothing mindsets, and I can often go for long walks on my own or car/bus rides staring out the window without any music, reading, or other stimulation because I can be entertained with all the thoughts and connections that are going on inside my head.

I only really started feeling like I could be and express my true self more recently when I started embracing my Co-pilot function, Fe (will get into that more in a later post). I enjoy being with people, helping people, talking about feelings with people and expressing my emotions and love for people, but it takes effort to do these things. It is easiest for me when the topic of conversation I'm having with people is deep and insightful because it allows me to stay with and make use of my Driver Ni function, but fun and playful conversations are also comfortable because they satisfy this Fe and my other two functions Ti and Se.

My 10-year-old Ti function has caused me a lot of trouble in the past. As described in the picture above, it can cause me to be perfectionist and also very judgmental of others and myself. It can also do good though: it got me through 2 years of Computer Science at UW, and was the main drive behind some letters to the editor of the Waterloo Region Record. I think I'm at my best when I can find a healthy balance between this function and Fe (a major theme of this blog: the importance of balance).

Finally, my 3-year-old Se function has also been troublesome in the past but I've been getting better at keeping it under control and harnessing it for good. I've found the best thing to do rather than suppress it like I've done in the past (ex. going cold turkey on desserts or coffee for a while), is to give it what it wants and over time I will find out what is healthy for it (it being me) and eventually it will be classically conditioned to only desire what is good for it (me). Continuing with the analogy, since it's a 3-year-old, if it gets out of hand you can always pick it up and force it to stay in its room for a while if need be.

So far in this blog post I've coined the terms MBTI personality type and MBTI cognitive function stack, and now I want to return to the conversation on how these terms and their definitions are related and can be used to help us better understand gender and sex. 

As mentioned, I see someone's MBTI cognitive function stack as being an inherent aspect of a person - although they don't have to let it define who they are, it is part of them. I would say the same is true for one's biological sex.  I will further reinforce this point by bluntly stating that I see my (Ni, Fe, Ti, Se) cognitive function stack as being as real and as an inherently part of my psychology, as I see my penis being a real and inherent part of my body. I am not my sex, but my sex is part of me. I am not my MBTI cognitive function stack, but my MBTI cognitive function stack is part of me. 

I also see parallels between gender and MBTI personality type but they are on a different plane than sex and MBTI cognitive function stack. Last post, I brought forward a concise, definition for gender: gender is the communication of one's biological sex. This contrasted the many non-consensus, ambiguous definitions that stem from society's confusion and discomfort with gender issues. One such definition, the Oxford dictionary one, defined gender as describing "social and cultural differences" between people. I actually don't think this is in conflict with the definition I proposed but I think it is way too general and all-encompassing. In my opinion this dictionary definition would align better with MBTI personality type than gender because personality is about the whole person, and how one acts socially and culturally is directly related to personality. 

All this being said I want to forget about that Oxford definition again and provide my own definition for MBTI personality type that fittingly parallels the one for gender: MBTI personality type is the communication of one's cognitive function stack. It's the same thing, the four letters are just an way people communicate their MBTI cognitive stack to others or themself, just as gender communicates biological sex (but people have found many more creative ways to do so, so much so that many people confuse this communication with their identity). 

***

So far in this blog post I've coined the terms MBTI personality type and MBTI cognitive function stack, and now I want to return to the conversation on how these terms and their definitions are related and can be used to help us better understand gender and sex. 

As mentioned, I see someone's MBTI cognitive function stack as being an inherent aspect of a person - although they don't have to let it define who they are, it is part of them. I would say the same is true for one's biological sex.  I will further reinforce this point by bluntly stating that I see my (Ni, Fe, Ti, Se) cognitive function stack as being as real and as an inherently part of my psychology, as I see my penis being a real and inherent part of my body. I am not my sex, but my sex is part of me. I am not my MBTI cognitive function stack, but my MBTI cognitive function stack is part of me. 

I also see parallels between gender and MBTI personality type but they are on a different plane than sex and MBTI cognitive function stack. Last post, I brought forward a concise, definition for gender: "gender is the communication of one's biological sex". This contrasted the many non-consensus, ambiguous definitions that stem from society's confusion and discomfort with gender issues.

(There was more to this blog post, but I am still searching for it)